i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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