Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
