I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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