is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
