the condom got lost in my hair
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
