i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
