My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
