for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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