I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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