Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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