Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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