Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
