i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
