Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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