i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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