you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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