I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
