dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
