I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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