Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
