What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
