think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
