My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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