Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
