And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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