and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
