the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
