it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
