Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
