tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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