he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
