My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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