Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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