I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
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