When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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