He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Let's paint friendship bongs
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
