The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
