CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
