You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I want you more than these girls want KFC
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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