well I can't set my house on fire every night
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The beer is more important than you right now.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
