cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
