What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
