FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So much rum. So many feels.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The Olympian is in my bed
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
