I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
