haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
