She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
