Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
