Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
