just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
