dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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