this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
